As most of you probably already know, I am a Sacred Intimate, Tantrika and a Massage therapist that specializes in Healing Touch and Body Awakening Massage.
I love my job, everything about it, the people I meet, the connection with the other person, the magic that happens when mindful touch, breath and orgasm come together and the person I am working with leaves feeling a million times better than when they first walked through my door.
Sometimes I can be a bit judgemental If I am honest, when I hear about the trauma that goes on behind closed bedroom doors. You see my client's confide in me a lot, they know that the information they share with me is confidential, the common thread though is that everything comes back to Sex and Intimacy. They come to me because they are lacking in this department and my offerings involve Touch, lots of it.
I am sure that I wouldn't see half the people if their partner's actually took more effort in touching them. So when I say I am judgemental it is because I feel for my client's, I empathize with them and I get a little annoyed on their behalf that they are having to endure a relationship that does not totally fulfill their needs. I know that everyone has a choice and it is their choice of whether they stay or go...that's another blog post altogether.
So I am very aware within my own relationship with my partner of 6 years that we need to as a couple keep the home fires burning and the spicy juices flowing.
Even though I am facilitating pleasure pathways for other's on a daily basis it is extremely important for me, to not neglect my own relationship. So once in a while my partner and I will organize a weekend of shared massage with fellow practitioners or like minded friends. Usually these shared massages will be four or six handed massage, we share our skills and our love for touch, have a lovely dinner together and a laugh together etc. On all previous occasions I have been instrumental in my partners massage with other practitioner's, so when it has come time for him to have his "happy ending" release, I have been the one with my hands firmly on the controls. Until last week that was...
Last week, we did it slightly differently. Last week, I got to watch from across the room, while my beloved received his pleasures from another woman...a beautiful wild redhead called Jan. I could already feel that this new experience was going to be a biggie for me, the energy was coursing through my body as I watched her tenderly take over the reins of my stallion with such focus and dedication. At some point during his massage, I could feel my own root chakra burning, then my bladder kicked in and I wanted to evacuate the building and get away from this ritual, as far away as possible. My beloved was enjoying himself, and I felt left out. In my world I was the one that was in charge of his pleasure, and here was someone else showing me, that he could experience pleasure without me.
I got to feel very different very quickly as my own buttons were being pushed. Buttons that I didn't realize were still active, lurking in the shadows, ego, fear, insecurity, jealousy... I found it very interesting to sit in these feelings and let them flow in and out of my own body and my mind. even though I wanted to run, I stayed and witnessed the experience unfolding in front of me, I kept on telling myself that this was not about me, but all about him. That in my love for him, I should allow him to enjoy his pleasures without feeling guilty..it wasn't as if he was doing this behind my back, I was in the room, we had discussed the scenario and the intentions prior to the massage taking place and it had been my own idea, as Jan I are were going to be working together doing Four Handed Massage, she wanted to show me her technique, and my man, was the willing guinea pig. Any excuse for touch or a massage, he will raise his hand..
When I got out of my shit long enough I was able to enjoy watching them as Jan worked expertly, moving the energy around his body, keeping him in a constant state of ecstasy, bringing him to the edge and then holding him there, until finally she allowed him the full body pleasure of orgasm.
In his afterglow, I lay with him and Jan and we talked about our individual experiences of the session. I was grateful for the experience of awakening,and for the gift of love that I had given him, by allowing him to receive pleasure from another. I had also had a few realizations of my own, and was able to receive the gift of seeing things from a partner's perspective. Two of the helpful realizations that came to me, was
1. I had witnessed my partner, as if I was the wife of a client.
2. I was now aware of how my own partner feels when I work with clients.
He was more aware too, of how important mutual touch is during a session. As during his session with Jan, she made sure that he was able to put his hand on her leg or her back, as this created the connection for the life force energy to flow, just like an electrical circuit.
I do this connection thing too, but from outside, watching my partner connect with Jan, did make me feel weary, but then I sat in those thought's and realized that I too, do this with my clients, and it does not mean that I want to jump the fence or leave my man for my client, this is just the way we work as Sacred Intimates, Tantrikas and Sensual Massage therapists, this is why our clients feel so good when they are receiving touch from us, they feel connected through touch, reciprocal touch. Having my partner affirm this fact to me in his own words, was great affirmation and permission in a way. This was good!
I also had a third realization, and that is, it is very important to feel like one is part of your partner's experience, I am sure that had I been included in the session with Jan and my man, I would not have felt so insecure, and I wouldn't have wanted to run away like a hurt little child. But had I not had the privilege to witness this whole scenario unfolding in front of me, I would not have had the first two realizations that made me more aware of my own client's feelings, and I would not have been inspired to write this post for other's to be educated on what happens on the "other side" of a Sensual Massage session.
I wholly encourage couples to find new out of the box ways to connect with each other and authenticate their relationships. As well as encouraging open communication and adding a bit of spice to your life, it is worth it.. life is too short to be scared about stuff, wouldn't it be better to embrace new experiences, at least once? And if you really don't enjoy the experience at least you can say, we won't be doing that again, or hell yeah, lets have more of that!
Pauline is an outspoken, passionate, down to earth kind of girl. Who loves helping people explore juicier ways of connecting with each other and themselves. A long time ago bosom buddies advised Pauline to" never water yourself down", because she had a lot to share with others, so when life gets a bit tough. Pauline remembers those little words to keep on doing what she loves and believes in.